Recently conversations have got on to ‘will you be going back to work?’ Lots of people seem surprised when I say I will. I have found lots of the other mummy’s I know aren’t going back to work, they don’t see the point, as childcare would cost them almost what they earn. I understand this completely, what would the point be in going back when you’re at no financial benefit, I would much rather spend the time with my child! I’m very lucky that in my job they can be flexible, I can easily go back part time and am able to apply for set days. Hopefully I will be going back for two days a week, and only one of those days we will have to put Oliver into childcare, as my mum is hoping to change her hours to be able to look after Oliver for one day a week. This will mean that only about a quarter of my income will be spent on childcare.
Being a nurse, I trained long and hard for 3 years, and to give up my job would be like giving up some of myself. I love my job, even though some days are really hard, the hours are long and it can be stressful, the good outweighs the bad. I’m there to help others, to care for them and to be a hand to hold. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am in my career, in my 3.5 years that I worked before I started my maternity leave, I managed to work my way up to becoming a ward sister, I was only promoted about a month before I fell pregnant, so I definitely haven’t experienced much of my new role. To give my job up would also mean I was at risk of losing my registration, 3 years of hard work down the toliet, because to get back on the register I would have to complete another university course.
It will be hard when I go back to work, i know this already. I’m opting to do the long days (12.5 hour shifts) this means I probably won’t see Oliver awake for that whole day, as I have to leave at 7am and wouldn’t be back until 8.30pm (at the earliest, and this rarely happens) which will be really difficult for me, but I would rather I could provide for him. We couldn’t live on Stuart’s wage alone anyway, with the mortgage, bills and food we usually spend more than his pay packet is worth. I also want that time for me to use my brain, to have some adult conversation without having to worry whether or not my child is trying to grab my tea/crawl off/eat something he shouldn’t, and just to feel like I’m doing some good. I currently don’t miss work at all, and if I stayed at home permanently I wouldn’t miss the working aspect, but I do miss the patients sometimes. We have a few patients who are in quite regularly and I’ve built up a good relationship with some of them, sometimes I find myself wondering how they’re getting on, and when I see my work colleagues I ask how they are.
I will definitely find it easier to leave Oliver on the days my mum has him, it will be when he goes to nursery that I will struggle. It will be weird leaving him in the hands of strangers. Luckily if he goes to the nursery we like the look of, it will be Stu doing the drop offs and pickups, so I won’t have to be the blubbering mummy leaving my child. I can do that privately on my journey to work!! If I could afford it and I didn’t lose my registration, I wouldn’t go back to work, I would love to spend every day with Oliver, to never miss a thing, but I also want him to have a good quality of life. I want to be able to have nice holidays and to be able to buy him the toy he really wants for his birthday. I also want to have my own money, even if it’s not much, to spend on things I want, without being dependent on Stuart.
We have now got to find a nursery or childminder, we have found one we like the look of, so hopefully we will be able to get him in, otherwise we will have to go back to looking around. Fingers crossed!
If only being mummy was a paid occupation!