Why I won’t be a SAHM

Recently conversations have got on to ‘will you be going back to work?’ Lots of people seem surprised when I say I will.  I have found lots of the other mummy’s I know aren’t going back to work, they don’t see the point, as childcare would cost them almost what they earn. I understand this completely, what would the point be in going back when you’re at no financial benefit, I would much rather spend the time with my child!  I’m very lucky that in my job they can be flexible, I can easily go back part time and am able to apply for set days.  Hopefully I will be going back for two days a week, and only one of those days we will have to put Oliver into childcare, as my mum is hoping to change her hours to be able to look after Oliver for one day a week.  This will mean that only about a quarter of my income will be spent on childcare.

Being a nurse, I trained long and hard for 3 years, and to give up my job would be like giving up some of myself.  I love my job, even though some days are really hard, the hours are long and it can be stressful, the good outweighs the bad.  I’m there to help others, to care for them and to be a hand to hold.  I’ve worked hard to get to where I am in my career, in my 3.5 years that I worked before I started my maternity leave, I managed to work my way up to becoming a ward sister, I was only promoted about a month before I fell pregnant, so I definitely haven’t experienced much of my new role.  To give my job up would also mean I was at risk of losing my registration, 3 years of hard work down the toliet, because to get back on the register I would have to complete another university course.

My last day at work!

It will be hard when I go back to work, i know this already.  I’m opting to do the long days (12.5 hour shifts) this means I probably won’t see Oliver awake for that whole day, as I have to leave at 7am and wouldn’t be back until 8.30pm (at the earliest, and this rarely happens) which will be really difficult for me, but I would rather I could provide for him.  We couldn’t live on Stuart’s wage alone anyway, with the mortgage, bills and food we usually spend more than his pay packet is worth.  I also want that time for me to use my brain, to have some adult conversation without having to worry whether or not my child is trying to grab my tea/crawl off/eat something he shouldn’t, and just to feel like I’m doing some good.  I currently don’t miss work at all, and if I stayed at home permanently I wouldn’t miss the working aspect, but I do miss the patients sometimes.  We have a few patients who are in quite regularly and I’ve built up a good relationship with some of them, sometimes I find myself wondering how they’re getting on, and when I see my work colleagues I ask how they are.
I will definitely find it easier to leave Oliver on the days my mum has him, it will be when he goes to nursery that I will struggle.  It will be weird leaving him in the hands of strangers.  Luckily if he goes to the nursery we like the look of, it will be Stu doing the drop offs and pickups, so I won’t have to be the blubbering mummy leaving my child.  I can do that privately on my journey to work!!  If I could afford it and I didn’t lose my registration, I wouldn’t go back to work, I would love to spend every day with Oliver, to never miss a thing, but I also want him to have a good quality of life.  I want to be able to have nice holidays and to be able to buy him the toy he really wants for his birthday.  I also want to have my own money, even if it’s not much, to spend on things I want, without being dependent on Stuart.

Who wouldn’t want to spend all day with this cutie?

We have now got to find a nursery or childminder, we have found one we like the look of, so hopefully we will be able to get him in, otherwise we will have to go back to looking around.  Fingers crossed!

If only being mummy was a paid occupation!

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52 Comments

  1. October 4, 2016 / 10:52 am

    Oh I so wish being mummy was a paid occupation. For me it’s all about freedom of choice and being able to do what suits you. It is hard when people have to work and really don’t want to! I worked 2 days when mine were babies and then went to 3, that suits me, as like you said. I works hard and studied hard to get where I am and I like my job, it is part of who I am. Thank you for linking up with us at #EatSleepBlogRT 🎉

  2. October 4, 2016 / 4:44 pm

    I love your attitude! I have just come back to work and i am loving the balance. I am lucky to be able to come back 3 days a week. I am now totally appraciating those days i get to spend with her so much more and we make them more special! I loved being off but also love now having the balance of work brain and mummy life! great blog post! #EatBlogSleepRT

    • mummymiller
      October 4, 2016 / 4:56 pm

      Thank you! I think you need a bit of balance between work and home, a time you can be yourself, not just mummy!

  3. October 5, 2016 / 9:34 pm

    Well done on your return to work. It’s hard juggling a job and a family but hey loads of people do it so it’s pretty normal!! You’re right to carry on your career when you’ve invested so much time and dedication to your profession. Respect! #BloggerClubUK

  4. October 6, 2016 / 8:25 am

    Hey it’s all about personal choice and what’s right for you. I went back to work after my kids, had job shared with another mum, it worked well. But I know not all mums have this. I live in France now and the attitude is so different. As a mum you are expected to go back to work, but there’s good, really good quality and affordable childcare options (the state helps too!). So most mums are working mums. Just a different attitude to working mums. #BloggerClubUK

    • mummymiller
      October 6, 2016 / 8:29 am

      That’s good that France have much more affordable options, it’s a shame that they don’t do that here because a lot of mums I know would like to return to work but it isn’t financially viable because childcare is so expensive! I agree it’s what is best for you and your family. Thanks for reading!

  5. October 6, 2016 / 8:42 am

    Yes I wish being a mummy was a paid occupation! I feel the same way with my work, needing to keep my registration and having a career for when the kids are in school is important to me. #Sharingthebloglove

  6. October 6, 2016 / 10:04 am

    I wish being a mummy was paid too! I went back to work after my first but there was no flexibility – it was full time or nothing and it hit me hard. I just couldn’t do it in the end. I always said if I could work 2-3 days I wouldn’t mind working 12 hours, as long as I wasn’t there full time. As long as you find a nursery/childminder you are happy with it will be good for you. Hard, but you have made the right decision to do 2 long days – that means 5 days with Oliver, and you get to still feel like yourself 2 days a week! #SharingtheBlogLove

    • mummymiller
      October 6, 2016 / 10:35 am

      If I had to do a 5 day week or nothing I wouldn’t be going back I’m sure! It’s a shame some companies are so inflexible, they lose a lot of good workers just because we choose to have babies!

  7. October 6, 2016 / 11:09 am

    Do you know, men never get questioned about going to work and not staying at home with their kids and they never get accused of being bad parents because of it. It’s a great example to kids that both their parents work. It’s hard of course because you don’t want to miss out on things but I think being part time is great happy medium. (I work part time too!) 🙂 #EatSleepBlogRt

    • mummymiller
      October 6, 2016 / 11:24 am

      That’s so true!! I think it is too, it sets a good work ethic! Thanks for reading

  8. October 6, 2016 / 1:32 pm

    I definitely agree time to be you and not mum is needed! Work is good for that. we also can’t afford for me to stay at home, otherwise I absolutely would! x #sharingthebloglove

    • mummymiller
      October 6, 2016 / 1:38 pm

      It would be lovely to not have to work and get to spend every day with your child but sadly money runs everything! Thanks for reading x

  9. October 6, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    I totally understand this. I am a midwife and due back from maternity leave next month. I do dread the long days but at least you get your hours done in less days. And as you’ve said, we worked hard to get into our careers so it would be a shame to have to retrain down the line. Congrats on your promotion, hope you enjoy the new role! #SharingtheBlogLove

  10. October 6, 2016 / 9:08 pm

    It’s such a personal decision, going back to work, and I think the right thing is probably different for everyone. For what it’s worth, I work two days a week and I love it – it keeps my toes in the world of work, gives me some adult conversation, and keeps my brain active. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed working until I wasn’t doing it every day! Good luck with finding the right childcare, how lovely to have your mum have him for one of the days though. That’ll be lovely for both of them I bet! Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove

  11. October 7, 2016 / 2:49 pm

    I really respect this post, your honest attitude is refreshing.
    In a world where women are striving for careers why should it all be thrown down the swanny just because we have a child? I too plan to go back to work with flexible hours as without that we won’t be able to afford much! But I also want to go back for adult conversation and a chance to be me, not mum for just a while.
    Yay for us!
    #sharingthebloglove

    • mummymiller
      October 7, 2016 / 3:08 pm

      Thank you, I agree entirely!

  12. October 7, 2016 / 6:22 pm

    Is it wrong of me to say even is being a mummy was a paid occupation I would still rather go to work?
    Dont get me wrong I absolutely adore my son and I love being a mum but I could never have been a stay at home mum I went back to work when my son was 9 months old, i went back part time at first and that was the perfect mix I could still spend lots of time at home with my son but then I still got to go to work and be Sarah for a few days a week.
    On the flipside I wish I could afford to work part time now my son is at school so could do the school run each day.
    #BloggerclubUK

  13. organisedjo
    October 7, 2016 / 9:58 pm

    I was like you and needed to go back to work. I’m not professionally trained as you are but it more about that I needed that time to be me. I also found that both of my girls flourished at nursery, making friends and coming on so well it really did stand them in good stead for starting school, with both of them transitioning well. It is hard, and I still have days of mummy guilt, which I don’t think will go away, but I feel we all have benefited from it. Good luck with finding your nursery placement, hope you get the one you want. #Sharingthebloglove

  14. October 8, 2016 / 6:15 pm

    I went back to work part time after my first daughter and I really enjoyed the balance. After my second daughter, the child care costs were ridiculous, so we decided I would take another year off until my eldest started school. I think everyone makes the decision that is right for them or is right for there family. I hope you find the right child care, that will help. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove X

    • mummymiller
      October 8, 2016 / 10:48 pm

      I can imagine when there are 2 it isn’t so easy! Thanks for reading ☺️

  15. October 8, 2016 / 10:46 pm

    I think you have to do what’s right for you and your family, and this sounds like the right decision. Best of luck finding the right childcare, my little girl absolutely loved nursery! #KCACOLS

  16. October 10, 2016 / 9:19 am

    I can completely understand why Mums return to work especially if they have worked hard to get to a certain level. I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave so when I was returning back to a new job I found a easy local one that worked around my children. I only work 12 hours and whilst money can be tight and we miss out on holidays every year etc it is the choice I make. #bigpinklink #kcacols

    • mummymiller
      October 10, 2016 / 9:22 am

      That’s nice in a way that you were able to return to something you were able to fit around your family. Thanks for reading!

  17. October 10, 2016 / 10:18 am

    It’s wonderful that you have the ability to resume your career in a part-time capacity after all that hard-work you have put in. It is so important that we all retain a part ourselves outside the mummy bubble. Good luck. #bigpinklink

  18. flyingsolo7
    October 10, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    Its everyones personal choice, everyone has an opinion it dont they and not always a positive one. I went back to work after both of mine and it was full time , i only had 14 weeks maternity leave and so they were very young. Although when they were 5 & 9 I set up my own business so was at home a lot more (when they were less annoying) #KCACOLS

  19. October 10, 2016 / 3:35 pm

    Returning to work can and probably will be tough, but I’m used to it now and you will be too. I find nursery does wonders for my boy. His speech is brilliant and he has fantastic people skills. It’s also invaluable to do something for you, get out of the house and spend time with adults. I think you’ll find you have the perfect balance. #bigpinklink

  20. October 10, 2016 / 4:15 pm

    I wish it paid too! I can understand you going back though, especially when you’ve put so much effort into becoming a nurse!

    #Bigpinklink

  21. October 10, 2016 / 6:57 pm

    I went back to work full time when my first was 6mo and I was fine with out as I had lots of holidays but I did miss out. With my second I was due to go back 3 days but then he became seriously ill. Luckily after a big operation he fully recovered but it was enough for Hubble and I to decide to quit our jobs and decide to travel so we could spend family time with the boys before they go to school. I miss working but love love time with my boys. We do what is best for us and our families!

    • mummymiller
      October 10, 2016 / 7:50 pm

      I can imagine how that would change your outlook! How lovely you can do that as a family!

  22. October 10, 2016 / 9:21 pm

    I really understand where you are coming from. I would love to stay at home but I also enjoy the interactions of work and using my brain. Again I studied for several years and have also worked hard since. Hope you get him into the nursery you like the look of. Good luck. #bigpinklink

    • mummymiller
      October 10, 2016 / 10:13 pm

      I think we need the time to ourselves, being a parent 24/7 is hard work!

  23. October 10, 2016 / 10:02 pm

    You know what. Good on you. As a SAHM, I sometimes dream of having a job or another side of life (I hope that doesn’t come across selfish or ungrateful of the opportunity I have). But you have a career, and what’s more one you worked so hard for and that your baby will be proud of. I unfortunately had to leave my position after going back two months due to the un-flexible hours and costs. We do what we have to and what we feel is best for us more importantly. I thoroughly respect you for the choices you make and wish you much luck! #bigpinklink

    • mummymiller
      October 10, 2016 / 10:11 pm

      Thanks, I would love to be a SAHM but my career is part of who I am and I think it would be difficult to give up. It’s just a shame companies aren’t flexible!

      • October 10, 2016 / 10:22 pm

        It really is. I miss it, but will most definitely try and get back into the game once Baby #2 has arrived x

  24. October 10, 2016 / 10:03 pm

    I can completely identify with the whole training for your job and not wanting to give that part of yourself up. I trained hard to be a teacher so I would never take giving it up lightly. I currently work three days but don’t feel I’m as good teacher since I became a mum because my priorities have changed #KCACOLS

    • mummymiller
      October 10, 2016 / 10:12 pm

      I can definitely see where you’re coming from, as a teacher a lot of work comes home with you so it must be difficult to juggle your time but well done for continuing!

  25. October 11, 2016 / 2:07 pm

    good luck with going back to work. it is daunting at first but im sure your son will love nursery. I recently wrote a lot of posts about settling in to nursery and what to expect (shameless plug haha). but really, my boy loves it there so much and ive gotten to know his carers well and actively taken an interest in the nursery. we don’t have family around that could help with childcare. I love coming to work and I just know I couldn’t be a sahm at all. I like the freedom work gives me – and the money that I can then use for other things for our family. im sure you will settle into a routine once you are back 🙂 Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday!

    • mummymiller
      October 16, 2016 / 11:26 am

      Thank you, yes I think I read your post about nursery! Thanks for reading x

  26. October 12, 2016 / 8:39 pm

    Having just returned to work myself I completely understand how you’re feeling. I went back to work after having our second little one knowing that I will never experience maternity leave again, I won’t lie, the first few weeks were tough but now I’m loving having some ‘me’ time, some ‘adult’ time when I’m not constantly looking around to see what the tot and toddler are up to! Good luck with your return to work, I’m sure you’ll be fine and your little man will love nursery. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink xx

    • mummymiller
      October 16, 2016 / 11:24 am

      Thank you for reading, a bit of me time is always needed! X

  27. October 12, 2016 / 11:13 pm

    Good luck on getting a good childcare provider setup. Your reasons are just the same as mine. While it’d be great to reduce my hours down to 4 days, I don’t particularly want to give up the money and freedom that brings for us to be able to do what we wan to do when we want to. N thrived at nursery, and it does mean that he’s been abe to settle into every new setting/school he’s needed to.
    #sharingthebloglove

    • mummymiller
      October 16, 2016 / 11:24 am

      Thank you, I think it’s good to get some time as just being you! Thanks for reading x

  28. madelinelittlejohns
    October 13, 2016 / 4:11 pm

    I really hope you find childcare that you love, it makes a huge difference to how you feel about going off to work. It sounds like you going back to work is the right choice for you though, and that’s all that really matters! x #KCACOLS

    • mummymiller
      October 16, 2016 / 11:23 am

      I hope so too, thanks for reading! X

  29. October 16, 2016 / 11:01 am

    It was a hard decision for me but i am glad i went back as i do feel like an adult again . A super stressed , knackered adult but th big fat paycheck helps every month. #bigpinklink

    • mummymiller
      October 16, 2016 / 11:21 am

      I bet it does! Thanks for reading! X

  30. November 25, 2016 / 9:46 am

    Good for you! Being a mom should never mean giving up your goals and what you’ve worked so hard for! I’m currently a SAHM about to go back to school/work, so I’ll have to make that transition as well.

  31. January 6, 2017 / 4:00 am

    I have seven kids. Each child was born into a different financial circumstance. There were years when I worked very part time, there were years when I stayed home. Since my last two children were born I have been working full time. All of my kids feel loved. They all know I am a crazy involved mother regardless of my work situation. I happen to be one of those people who would be happy to stay home and not work. That being said, I love, love my job. The bottom line is don’t judge. Do what’s best for you and your family.

  32. February 25, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Well done on making the decision that works best for you. Two days is brilliant and I promise it’ll do you both good, and your mum, to have a bit of variety in the week. I couldn’t be a SAHM either as I’d spent so much time investing in my career and I love using my brain. The only trouble with working my way higher up is that I don’t have the same flexibility so I’ll be looking at 4-5 days. We don’t have any parents to help out but we’ve hired a live in nanny who I’m hoping will become like part of the family. Of course it’s expensive, but ironically not as expensive to get a mortgage for a house with an extra bedroom compared with putting two in nursery 5 days a week (which would be £3.4k!!! Like who can afford that?!!) I won’t actually be bringing home that much money once mortgage and childcare are paid for but I’m taking the longer term view. I have frilove nds who stayed home for 5 years and are now struggling to get back into work when their kids are going to school. I want to show my kids that mum’s can work and provide for their family too. I just hope I can wangle 4 days a week as I really don’t want to miss out on their childhood completely for the sake of our family’s future. Always tough choices eh?! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us xx

  33. February 25, 2017 / 3:13 pm

    Ooh also have you chosen your childcare yet? My daughter goes one day a week to nursery and has done since she was 1. She loves it!! Equally I’ve met so many amazing childminders while I’ve been off on maternity leave and the kids they look after are so happy and well balanced. youll know when you’ve found the right place. Good luck mummy xx

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