Almost a year on from having my baby and I am finally coming to terms with what having a baby has done to my body. Gone are the days of a nice flat stomach and a good pert pair of boobs. The only thing that I’m pleased with on my body since having Oliver is that I have lost all of my baby weight and more. I put it wholly down to breastfeeding and not eating enough healthy calories in the day though! Once I stop breastfeeding, I’m pretty sure my weight will creep back up!
The other day I was just getting in the shower and I stood looking at myself in the mirror. All I could look at were my boobs. Whenever I hear anyone speak about breastfeeding, they speak about how you get this great set of boobs. You will never hear me saying that. Sometimes I want to cry when I look at mine. Oliver will only feed from one side as he refused to feed from the other. This has left me with boobs that look like they’ve come from two different people. One is a nice, pert, normal sized boob. It looks just like it did before I got pregnant. The other is big, it reaches a fair bit lower and quite frankly looks ridiculous in comparison.
A few months ago I went to have my boobs measured. The shop assistant who was fitting me straight away said to me ‘oh have you just fed off of that (smaller) side?’ When I replied saying no, he only feeds from this (bigger) side she was quite embarrassed and apologised straight away. I brushed it off, but it left me feeling even more self conscious than I already did. I know that it’s noticeable in close fitting clothing. My bra is practically empty on one side. When I stop breastfeeding I know that my boob will reduce in size, but I also know what I will be left with. A saggier version of what I already have!
But what I also see when I look in the mirror is a single boob that has sustained the life of my son for a whole year. For the first 6 months he solely relied on this boob to nurture him, to help him grow, to keep him alive. It comforted him, it fed him, it did the job it was intended for. I have learnt that getting upset with my appearance is pointless. Nothing is going to change. Finally I decided that rather than being embarrassed by my lopsided boobs I should embrace them. They’re part of me, part of my body, part of my parenting journey. Quite frankly, the only people who will ever see them are my family, and they don’t care about what they look like!
What I’m secretly hoping is that if I am lucky enough to have another breastfeeding journey that the next baby opts for the other side. Just to even things up, but knowing my luck they will have the same preference! But for now I have realised that even though I have two different looking boobs, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that me and my baby are both healthy and we are happy. Being a mum has changed my whole life for the better, a change to my body is insignificant in comparison. So I have embraced the change, I have learnt to love my new post-baby boobs.